Thursday, October 21, 2010

Looking at Life From Different Lenses

When you change the way you look at things, you transform what you see.

As you all have journeyed with me this year, you have certainly experienced my life's up and downs right alongside me. What I've realized, every moment I've experience had an adverse effect on me when I chose for it to. And each moment got better because I chose to get up from being pushed down. Every life's trials and triumphs I went through, I had to change the way I viewed things. The moment I did, things began to change right before my eyes.

When I decided to leave my other job, I really had no real plan in mind. I just knew it was no longer where I needed to be. I knew I would miss my students and my freedom, but I just couldn't sit idle and let the foolishness happen around me. I finally got the guts to let it go and then I was left with all this time on my hands. Initially I was like, 'omg, I am such a waste right now, I need to be at somebody's job. I am not doing anything with my life!'. I used to sulk and complain about having so much time on my hands instead of looking at my free time as moments to dream. When I started to realize that God wanted to isolate me to dream, I began to cherish my quiet moments. This was during the time where my dad was still alive, so I was able to be with him for hours on end to laugh, talk, and run errands. The time that I thought was just idle, ended up being the last few moments I would be able to share with him. Those alledged idle moments ended up being moments I would never see again. Moments in my life that would last forever.

I was able to collaborate with friends of mine to open a foundation, I traveled more than I ever have. I was able to devote more time to family, to God. I was even able become a little more creative. God allowed me to view my idle moments as moments of clarity and freedom. The very moments I thought were holding me back, were moments that I was able to fly. I just had to change my view of them. Those same moments ended up being the stepping stones for my next level. The one I am entering now.

The moment I changed the way I looked at things, the moment the things began to change.
I think about my current job opportunities and partnerships that I've formed and I simply sit in amazement. God knew that I needed some time to regroup and re-dream because life would be moving at the speed of light. God knew that if I didn't take a moment to get closer to Him and truly define who I was, I would eventually crash. And Lord knows, I needed a break. He knew that if He didn't make it happen, there was no way that it would of happened.

I think about the past few men that have truly held my heart captive. EVERY single one of them have been in a different state. And I'm not talking about 50-100 miles away, I'm talking at least 500 miles away. I'm like, 'God, for real?' Whhhhhhhhhhy does every boo end up being millions of miles away? The answer is always simple 'To focus'. I'm like, whaaaaaaaaat? Am I not focused enough already Lord? Lol. I literally can hear God laughing. He knows that if the opportunity presented itself often enough, this whole abstinence thing would be an even tougher torch to carry so he HAS to keep the boo at a distance for a while.
I've always prayed for a quick work when it came to love and eventually marriage, so the time it will take for us to fall in love and make a solid effort will NOT take very long. ( It better not, I'm about to COMBUST!! lol) God is going to make it fall into place like a perfectly shaped set of puzzle pieces. I'm not even concerned. In the meantime, God is showing me who I am to be and who I don't need to be. I am learning more about my potential mate, his true motives, and what kind of heart he has. The whole 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' belief has a lot of validity to it. Every time we see each other, we value the moments more. Every phone call means a lot. Every mode of communication is utilized. It has forced both of us to decide if this is something we both truly want. Instead of viewing a long distance relationship as a chore, God has allowed me to view it as a blessing on hold. Kind of like a gift under the Christmas tree. I know what I want, I've asked for it, I'm almost sure I got it, and I'm literally looking at it under the tree, but its for an appointed time. In due season, the unveiling shall take place. If its what God has promised, every moment I wait, it is only going to get greater.

I've had to change my perspective on so many things. Especially with losing my dad. I've tried to find the silver lining so many times that my head spins. The one thing that I can truly say, is that I know he was able to claim his kingly rewards in heaven. No longer does he have to put up with the lies and wicked ways of this world. He can truly be at a place where peace resonates and joy is the way of life. Everything he deserved, he finally received. I can still feel his presence here on earth. He finds me in my dreams to tell me stuff and I even sense him when I go through my day. I know he left a lot of his spirit in me to continue his work on earth. Sometimes the mantle gets heavy, but someone has to do it right? I don't look at his death as a tragedy, just the timing, but who am I to question it.
There is never a perfect time to say goodbye forever, so that's why God controls that.
I've really come to grips with that. I've had to look at it differently to keep my sanity.

I think the most important thing I've learned along this journey is to never underestimate the power of God's favor. While you may think you're sitting idle, God is busying himself to create you something worth your while. I can't be consumed by things I don't know or can't control because I waste valuable moments that I could be living. When its all said and done, I want it to be known that I was obedient and I was faith filled. All the moments that seemed to be out of my control, are those where God was most in control.

I'm just going to keep holding on to what he promised and let the rest fall in place. I just have to look at things differently so they will look differently. The rest has no choice but to get it together. Lol.
Look at it differently and see it differently,

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Motivation Is Found In Frustration

What's my motivation? What makes me go the extra mile? What keeps me going? I ask myself this time and time again.
It is not until something throws me off that I truly become more motivated. Weird huh? Often times I find myself frustrated by one thing or another. Whether I can't figure what direction my relationship is going. Or whether the job I really, really want will call me back. Or what I've been praying for will come to pass. I just get so worked up over the smallest things. I simply reach a point of frustration that is even embarrassing to admit. The funny thing is, in my times of the frustration is when I become the most motivated! I soon realized that my motivation is found in my frustration.

I look back over the moments where my love life was the PITS! I was dating guy after guy, picking them apart. Getting into relationships where I wasn't appreciated. Settling for men that were far beneath what I knew God promised. I just got to a point where I was simply too frustrated for words. For whatever reason, none of those relationships panned out to be anything legitimate, so I went back to focusing on self. I worked out more, I put more effort into being fly, I went over board making sure I always looked my best, I stepped it up all around. My frustrations in the 'love' department made me want to become a better version of myself. I was motivated to push to the next level.

It's funny that the thing that frustrates you, motivates you. I recently went to see Social Networking, the story of Facebook. I was SO inspired after leaving that movie. Not necessarily to go start a new version of Facebook, but to use my frustration to motivate me. Mark's (the founder) whole impetus for starting Facebook was to prove to his ex-girlfriend that he more than a genius a-hole and to get the attention of the prestigious clubs at Harvard. He wanted to prove to so many what couldn't be done. He broke all types of barriers and ideals. He was never really about the money, he was about proving people wrong. His whole premise for starting a $25 Billion company was because he was frustrated. Don't you wish your frustrations would warrant you that type of money? Well it just might.

Many times I find myself upset or in tears over things I can't control or simply perplexed over. Every time I am brought to tears, I use them to write. When I can't find the words to say, I find a melody to sing. When I don't know where to run, I open my bible. Each time the devil tries to throw a road block my way, I do my best to use those road blocks as mere stepping stones. My frustrations become my motivation.

I've been on this "daily bread" kick a lot lately because each day has literally been a new journey. I could start the day off being happy as pie and end it on my knees in tears before God. Or I could start the day in fervent prayer and end it in jubilee. You just never can tell. I think what God has taught me above all with my day to day journey is to make conscious decisions. I have had to make the decision to be happy or sad, regardless of what is thrown my way. When I am faced with bad news, I have the choice to process it however I want. I make the choice to fall down on my knees in prayer, or to wallow in tears. The next day could very well hold the explanation for yesterday's woes, but I can't stay in those moments. Those very frustrations can be the gateway to my breakthrough.

I think the most profound lesson I have learned over this past year is that I hold the key to my happiness. I decide whether I rise or fall. I am the keeper of my own destiny. I have to trust God whether I'm up or down. I can never lose sight of what He has promised. I have to trust and know that He is not a man that should lie. (And boy do men LIE! lol). I have to make the decision to see my frustration as motivation and keep it moving.

At this point, I have no other choice. God gave me another day to figure this thing called life out, and that is what I plan to do.

Allowing my frustrations to motivate me!


Monday, October 18, 2010

The moment I let go....

Monday already? Seems like it was JUST Monday... lol.. Last week went by so fast that I don't even remember it all. God moved last week on my behalf like never before. I was just about ready to throw in the towel for the 1 millionth time, but I had to keep remembering God provides us each with "our daily bread", so I had to keep pressing my way. I started this post off with a different topic in mind, but God seemed to have steered me in another direction. I want to talk a little bit about "letting go".

Well, I was a little quiet last week because God was operating swiftly on my behalf. Let me rewind to last Tuesday. As many of you all know, I am the master networker and I never meet a stranger. I am always invited out to events and private parties, but I rarely go. But this night, something in me told me I needed to pull it together and get out of the house. The first event I went to ended up starting about an hour late. I initially wanted to have an attitude, but God wouldn't let me. I ended up sitting with two wonderful people. I started talking to this lady about my life and she began to open up about hers. She revealed that she had a life full of abuse, hurt, confusion, and despair. She said she saw the movie "Precious" and said that it was a fairy tale in comparison to what she experienced growing up. She had been through numerous relationships, heart aches, and disappointments. It wasn't until 10-10-10 that she finally decided to let it all go. She said she woke up one morning, went to a church and decided to totally rededicate her life. She said she was baptized and cleansed herself of all the things she battled with for almost 50 years. She said, "I just decided to let it all go".

Wow. No matter how many times I hear the phrase, "let it go", it never ceases to amaze me how much power it truly possesses. This lady had endured a lifetime of pain and abuse but found the strength somewhere in her to simply let God have it. She said she's always had a relationship with God but she was seeking something different. All that she had experienced up until that very moment was holding her back from that next level. She said that meeting me that day further confirmed that she was on the right path. She is now going before several agencies to shop her life story and other original writings to be turned into movies. Because she found the strength to let go, God has unleashed the next level on her that she has never seen. And her journey has yet begun.

Funny thing is, the event that I was originally scheduled to attend that evening ended up being pushed back to a later time and I left before it even got started. I know that I was supposed to have that conversation with her. I was supposed to be a part of her journey and she was supposed to be a part of mine. It was in that very moment that I further understood the ideal of ordered footsteps. When you truly trust God every step of the way, you trust Him enough to know that even the moments that seem "off course", are still ordained.

The whole drive home, my mind was racing. What's holding me back? What's keeping me from that next level behind the veil? What must I do? I just have to let go. Even more than I already have. I have to be willing to give it all to Him. I have to trust that the outcome will be in my favor. Even when it looks like isn't.

I left that one event to meet my friends at this second event. I went to the venue and I was kinda unimpressed. I love the "black Hollywood" concept, but some events just don't do it for me. I ended up running into one of my sorors/friends. When I tell you I KNOW God had me to speak with her. I parked rather far from the venue so she drove me back to my truck and we ended up sitting in the car for an hour talking about letting go of past pain, embracing change, understanding your purpose, and truly learning how people operate. We discussed a few misunderstandings from earlier this year. I was pissed about somethings that were trivial, but I had just never verbalized any of it. I just kind of withdrew. We then talked about how the loss of our loved ones changed our lives forever and how God kept us sane, and how much we were alike. It was one of the best conversations I've had in a very long time. She then realized that she needed my help with a lot non-profit projects and of course I gladly accepted. All because I chose to let go of what the past had held.

And that's not all. Yes, there is more. Last week I saw God move like never before. Right now I am literally living day to day trusting God for the right career move and the right position. Well, let me tell you how God works in the most mysterious ways. About 3 weeks ago, a good friend (and former co-worker) called me about applying for this position. I was like, "Girl, that doesn't pay what I want, I need something different". I honestly hadn't even remembered sending my resume package to the organization, but apparently I did because I was one of the first people they called for an interview last week . But wait, not for just one, but two positions. In addition to that position, another girl friend of mine linked me up with another opportunity to make some additional income. This was literally ALL IN ONE DAY. I kid you not. All on last Tuesday. I was so blown away that I could do nothing but lift my hands.

I could hear God say, "All you had to do was let go. Let go what you thought was supposed to be of your life and let me do it. " I am literally sitting here in tears. I have been crying before the Lord all year about what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, what I thought I should be, and He has simply reminded me that He is in control. Not one bill unpaid. Not one meal missed. Not one trip missed. Still fly. Still managing to smile. Still able to be a blessing to so many others. Even in the midst of my valley experience, God has used me. So this whole time I've been holding on to His hand, He has been working on something on my behalf.

The art of letting go is not the easiest to do, but the most rewarding. It's a 2-part process. You have to let go of the things that hurt you and/or made you upset. Forgive and move forward. You also have to let go of what you think the "perfect" plan is. Life is subject to change and we have to be able to flow with it. I think the most important thing to understand is that your life is your life and your journey is unique to your purpose. You have to trust and know that it will all come together. When you look back on it all, it will make better sense. Just keep living day to day and watch God work it out.

Letting go to see what God has in store....


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Fear-> A Figment of Your Imagination

Fear---->Figment of your imagination

Many times we put so much time and effort into worrying about the unknown that we forget to live for the right now. I know I have been guilty of this, especially this year. I can be in the middle of a great trip or vacay and I find myself wondering, "Lord, when will I be able to do this again." Then I immediately pump the breaks. -PAUSE- The nerve of me to trust God only in increments. If I am to trust and believe Him, I must do it always, not just when it's easy or convenient. I am directly slapping God in the face by thinking He wont take care of me in the future like He has done in the past. That's when I realized that fear is often a figment of my imagination.

One of the first scriptures that we master as children is the Lord's prayer. Read it with me:

Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power,
and the glory, for ever and ever.

Now, I've highlighted one line in particular, "Give us this day our daily bread." I will wait while you re-read that one with me. Our DAILY bread. Did you understand that like I did? God is saying that each day we would get a new allotment. Our DAILY bread. "Daily" means it would be replenished on a regular basis. So day to day He would renew His mercy, grace, favor, understanding, love, etc. You name it. All that He promised us would cover us day to day. Isn't that incredible to know? Your 'daily bread' has been allotted for your daily triumphs and struggles. You have JUST enough to get through today, why try to solve problems for next week when God has only allotted you enough for this 24 hours?

Funny thing is, the thing you fear the most is probably what you need to worry the least. Like if your man will propose or if you will get that job. Or if you're friend is really mad at you or if you will be able to catch that sale. Trust me, if that man knows what best, he will lock you down forever. If that job is for you, no one else will fit it. You're friend is probably so consumed with their own lives that they forgot that you pissed them off earlier that week. And that sale will be there. You just can't worry about the unknown, you will lose strength for what you do know and what you do have.

One of my favorite scriptures talks about not using today's energy for tomorrow's worries. Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Honey, isn't that a relief? (lol) You can trust and know that God has it under control. Each day God's mercies are renewed. It's like being able to drive a certain amount of miles to and from work in your car. Nothing more. Instead, you decide you want to take a road trip on that same tank of gas. That's not what that tank of gas was equipped for, but you chance it anyway. And you know what will eventually happen? You will run out of gas and you simply won't have enough. God gives you just enough for day to day. So the unknown that exists can't be stressed over because God already has a remedy for it, you have to trust him to get to that moment.

Often times we stress over the most menial things that we forget all that we currently have been given. It almost comes off as ungrateful. Yes you want a promotion. Yes you want your own house. Yes you want a new car. Yes you want to travel. Truth to the matter is that you have what you have and you must master that. God wants to see what you will do with what your given. This is not to say you shouldn't desire more, but that desire shouldn't overshadow all that God has already done

I think the best thing to do is to enjoy the very moment you are in because you will never see it again. The funny thing about life is that just as soon as things can turn for the worst, it can certainly turn for the best. It's all about the journey and trusting God from faith to faith. The rest will just have to take care of itself.

Not letting fear cloud my view....


It's Not Always What It Seems

The other night one of my girlfriends and I were discussing relationships and how men communicate. You know that conversation was 2 words long, 'They don't'. (Lol) Well they do, it's just how they deem necessary. Men have their own way of doing things and we just have to be willing to learn them. ( And who has time for allllllllll of that? lol) Many times we think their actions are revealing or saying one message and in actuality, it's a total different one. Sometimes you just have to wait it out. It really isn't always what it seems.

Don't you hate when you don't get an immediate call/text back from your significant other? ( I'm still pissy about a particular situation, but whatever.. lol) If you're like me, you always have your phone glued to your hand and you assume they do too. So when minutes lapse in response time my mind goes to work. I'm like, 'I know this fool sees my text, where is he at'. Meanwhile, when he finally responds he's like, ' babe, I was on the other line organizing a trip to Africa to save lives'. (Ok, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but you get it right? Lol). While I'm sitting by the phone with smoke coming out of my head like a cartoon character he is looking at the phone like, 'oh, I will hit her back later, she will understand'. Men are so funny when it comes to that though. Let me leave my phone in the car and have a few hours lapse between text messages. Honey, there will be a swat team surrounding my car because he reported me as missing. Lol. They cannot take their own treatment at all.

I think the interesting thing about being distinctly a woman and a man is our art of communication. We each have our own unique way of communicating issues. For instance, if I'm having a horrible day I will call and talk your ear off about it. Meanwhile, a man could be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and merely say, 'I'm ok babe, just tired, got a lot going on. I will be fine. I promise'. Many times we are saying the same things but in different languages. So while I am pouring my heart out trying to express my need to be supported, he's essentially saying the same thing by saying absolutely nothing. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but some men operate that way. They just choose to operate in silence until they can determine their next move. No, it doesn't mean he's talking to someone else, it might just mean that he needs to be in a place of silence. He knows you love him and want to help him, but the best help you can offer sometimes can be found in silence. Men sometimes want you to keep the perception that they are superman, that they rarely lose control. The moment they feel that control slipping, an internal panic alert goes off and their minds completely go into overdrive. The last thing they need to do is answer a million questions from you. They don't even know the answer to the questions themselves. It's not you, it's them, don't let your mind start running rampant. (Clearly this entire paragraph is for ME. I am the queen of 21 questions. Had to learn the hard way though o_O )

As women, our worst enemy can be our imagination. We text him, he doesn't text back, we automatically play the 'assuming game'. We think just because we send a 6part text and he sends back 'ok' that he's just not into us or that he is dismissing our concerns. Many times a man has a million things running through his head and he's just trying to keep it all together. Men don't always want to show that they feel like they are losing control. They want us to be secure in the fact they are simply 'THE MAN'. But of course, we like to know all the details so we pry and pry until we think we are getting the answers we want.

Honestly, the best way to deal with communicating with a man is to listen to him when he talks. Every man has their own unique way of processing stress and dealing with conflict. Just because there is a 10min lapse between texts or a missed phone call or 2 doesn't mean your relationship is in the red. He might actually be doing something that requires more of him at the moment. I know it's hard to believe that something is more important than the texts you've sent him saying, "Babe, are you watching Oprah", or "Did you see CSI, wasn't that crazy?" or "Wait, your favorite color is blue right?". *side eye* Calm down, don't get pissed from a simple unanswered text. It might not be what you think. Just wait before you unleash the dragon. ( I currently have one more latch on the cage of my own personal dragon, pray for

All in all...its important to love a man through his growing pains. The grander scheme of things is for you to learn more about yourself. You should walk away from every relationship with a newer understand of who you are. Whether he is your 'forever' or your 'for right now', you must allow life to takes it course and enjoy the ride. Stop stressing over what you can't control and spend time on building something solid. Truth to the matter is, if its meant, its meant. Nothing can change that. God has a way of revealing things to you. Don't disguise insecurity with 'women's intuition. God doesn't operate in confusion and wants the best for each of us.

So relax, and let love have it's way. Stop looking at the clock and the other people around you. Things will happen as they are supposed to. It's obvious that God has it all under control anyway. :O)

Looking at things for what they are and not what they seem...


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Don't Lose Sight of Who You Are

October 5, already. 2010. Man. Time waits for no one huh? I swear, 10-15 years ago you could not tell me I wouldn't have been married to the man of my dreams, living in my dream home with a white picket fence, working a perfectly suited job and have 2.5 kids. It's funny, that fantasy world was so real for me for so long that I lost valuable moments that I could of just been 'living' in. I soon realized that I couldn't lose sight of self and I couldn't neglect the journey.

Honey, I abruptly woke up from that dream years ago only to realize life owes me nothing. The man I feel in love with in college turned out to be a mythical character. A story I obviously only believed. My white picket fenced home quickly turned into a room in my parents' lovely chateau. That 'ideal' job turned into a career of service, grant writing, and community activism. And those 2.5 kids turned into kids all over GA and FL needing my mentoring and coaching. At 28, all the things I wanted at 18 seemed to be warped in some type of alternate universe. Boy did I ever get a wake up call!

You see, I'm not saying I stopped dreaming or for you to even stop, but I don't think its necessary for you to throw in the towel on what God promised you. I think in life, it's important to understand the journey. Now, I'm no expert, but I KNOW that its necessary not to resent your path. No matter where it takes you. This has taken a lot for me to realize. I look at all of my contemporaries and what they've achieved and I look at my list of accomplishments and I've realized that we all have had our highlights. As much as I think I'm off course, there is someone that wants my reality. So I've learned to value mine all the more. At this point, it helps me to maintain my sanity. (lol)

I've met so many young professionals that ultimately have all that they desire but may be lacking that ONE thing they deem as the icing on the cake or their sense of 'completion'. Like marriage, a mate, a house, kids, different career, more traveling, etc. In pursuit of that 'ONE' thing they begin to lose sight of self. Who they really are and all that has gotten them to this point. Say for instance a relationship is ALL they want. They will do whatever it takes. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm 100% in when I have a man that I'm into but not at the expense of isolating myself from my family and friends to appease my new suitor. I'm not going to forge this super religious lifestyle to make it appear that I'm different than what I am. I'm not going to totally adapt to ALL of his ideals and abandon my own. And I'm certainly not going to stop being myself because he deems it as needing to 'change'. Sad thing is, I've been there before. I wanted a 'him' so bad that I started to lose me. I really thought if I did all I needed to do to get him, I would be set free. But honey, what a fool I was.

I wasn't fulfilled at work. I wasn't happy with my home buying quest. I was tired of having to be the 'someone' for everyone. Booooooy, did God kick me in the butt. The job I was 'over', turned into one of the most rewarding career tracks. Although the place ended up crumbling because it turned out to be ran by criminals, I truly went home in peace knowing I made a difference. A former student of mine had someone to contact me to tell me I changed his life. And the efforts of buying a home kept failing because God knew I would need to be home to help my mom with the loss of dad. These are tracks in my life that I definitely wouldn't have chosen for myself, but they have all been defining moments. They have all made me better, stronger, and wiser. So, apparently, they were all necessary. God knew all of that on (and before) May 11, 1982.

All in all, when I took of my rose colored glasses, it all made sense. Life is what you make of it. And the 'it' part happens to be all the things you experience. No matter what, your journey is unique to your purpose and it's a part of a bigger picture. No longer am I concerned with what 'seems' right or what I 'want'. I have had to totally abandon all of my idiosyncrasies. All my tantrums and rants about life have long stopped. Who cares what it looks like? Who cares where I am? Who cares who has something to say? It's a reason for it all and I am content (mmm, for the most part.. lol). This doesn't mean I stop pressing towards my goals, it merely means I stop thinking I have it all figured out. Honey, it's obvious I don't. Nothing has to make sense to me. God has total control. All that matters.

So when making my dream boards, dream book, dream collage, dream flash cards, and just plain dreaming, I am not going to be mad when God does what He wants. ( I have clearly had a lot of time on my hands to make all of those.. lol) He is well aware of my desires, but most importantly He knows what I require. I am confident in knowing that I am going to be ok. He is gonna work it out like HE'S BEEN DOING! (<-----one of my favorite things to

Looking at the reflection in the mirror and knowing I'm still me :O)


When You're Off Track, You're Still On...

Whenever you're in Him will, you're never off track. From time to time I fall out of sync with my religious routine. Whether its a missed Sunday service, I forget to watch Joel Osteen one night, I may not write a blog post, or I may not call in to a prayer line. No matter how far off I may think I am off track, I'm still somewhat in line with what God wants for me.
When I finally get myself back in line, I walk into church and there is a message just for me. I turn on Joel Osteen, he is delivering a tailor made message. I write a blog post that provides healing for not only me, but many of the people I hold dear. And when it's prayer time, I am the one that delivers a prophetic word that encourages the people of God. Because I still have God's covering, no matter where I go, I am still on track. Despite what it may feel or look like.

You see, God has every single moment in our lives accounted for. The ups, the downs, the trials, the triumphs, the lonely nights, the mornings u wake up in tears, the nights where you're staring up at the ceiling. All of that. In the midst of my life's misstep or my sleepless nights I know its all somehow going to come together. I have to trust and believe that it's all bigger than this very moment.

I think about moments where I was literally living moment to moment, not knowing where I was going to work, where life would take me next, falling asleep with tear stained pillows, wandering aimlessly. Just existing. These were the moments where I grew closer to God. He was my only true hope. No my momma and daddy. Not my man. Not in a bottle. Not in a club. Not in my friends. The answer I sought could only come from God. In those moments, I had to fall on my face. Remember the old folks used to say, 'Baby, you just need a good fall on your face cry"? Well, I definitely have had my share of those moments. I was weak when I went down, but there was such relief when I rose again. The yearning for "what's next" could only be fulfilled by Him, and it was. When I was strengthened, I had a better appreciation for what I had and valued my journey.

Just recently a close friend of mine from high school messaged me to tell me she goes to my blog every time she gets on line and when she doesn't see any new posts, she is hungry for one. She went on to say that when I get back to writing, it seems that the message is specifically geared towards her situation. She said she could do nothing but cry after reading what I wrote. Even when I thought no one was reading my blog or that my messages were just for me, God always sent me people to confirm that my efforts were not in vain. More importantly, my obedience provided a breakthrough for some of God's other precious ones. I have been humbled to merely been used as a vessel for someone else. In the end, that's all that will matter. Who you have helped get closer to God and how obedient you have been on your quest to pursue your purpose.

Just like with your current situation. When you look back on this type of moment in your past, you can see God's handiwork just as clear as day. It took some time and reflection to see it, but it was there. God wants you to trust His judgement with this moment in your life like you always have. Its imperative that you let Him have it. Worry is not only the opposite of faith, but it can kill you. Don't let the enemy make you think you are not going to get your breakthrough. Many times, its the battle in the mind that's the greatest. God is just waiting for us to trust Him. Would you be willing to do that today? I think you should hold on to see what the end is going to be. This can't be it. You're story is NOT over. ( Believe me, I have to tell myself this OVER and OVER. My faith worked before, so it HAS to work now)

We have to be ever so careful to understand our purpose and know that He has our best interests at hand. We have to grasp the concept of reflection and appreciation. Reflect on what we've needed and how He's provided in the past. Every time it seemed like you were down to the wire, an unexplainable chain of events occurred. The grace necessary for that moment was granted. It was like money was being released from a hidden account just in the nick of time. Don't u think He can do that again? I do... As a matter of fact, He will.

Understand that the race is given to the one that endures until the end. Keep pushing, pressing, and persevering. Its not easy, but necessary. Know that you're not alone. Ever.
Even when I'm of, I'm on....

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Fly Spotlight: M-Red Designs

Ok, so I don't often do this, but a lovely young man of God hit me up on Twitter and asked to be featured on my site. I said, "Hey, why not?" A young person following their dreams is pretty inspirational, it might wake something up in one of my readers. Please enjoy and be inspired my loves...

Stay Fly...


M-Red Designs is a clothing line that is centered around the art of fashion. This is the line that steps outside the box and add a touch of life to every piece of art work focusing on Urban/ Vintage Apparel.

At 12 years old, Mustafa Reddick started M-Red Designs. M-Red Designs uses creativity and loud colors to bring life into everyday wear. We have serviced many churches, youth groups, and social organizations. We create hand-painting, screen printing, air-brushing, and heat transfers items to wear and body art.

Seen on Neffe and Solo photo-shoot with DUDE and BStar. In addition, M-Red Designs is supported by V-103 Greg Street, Bishop Eddie L. Long, Yung Joc, John Gray, Edward Long, Comedian John Gray, and many entertainers.

M-Red Designs features in My Magazine 4 Girls, African American Lifestyle Magazine, Trendsetters 2 Trendsetters Magazine, 14th and Atlanta Talk Show, YGEA Awards 2010, 46 CBS Atlanta News, Mixx Masters Lounge Show, TBN, Gospel Channel, and more.

M-Red Designs was originally a hand-painting clothing line. Then introduced to airbrushing by an airbrush artist, Stan Zeigler, and taught to screen print by BStar and DUDE clothing. Now with other avenues this is a clothing line full of art and creativity.

What makes this line unique are grand hand painted imprints that are crafted exquisitely on every product we sell. We put a message in every piece, and creativity to it so no two will look the same. Our designs are apart of our line that will surely be around for generations to come. "People love to wear M-Red because they know it is one of a kind, fits the body just right, and makes them feel good," says recording artist Emi Morris.

M-Red Designs plans to become one of the best hand-painting/ screen printing lines because of our innovation and dedication behind our art. It is more than a drive, we have a passion for what we do; putting our heart and mind into the designs of every t-shirt making them please-able to everyone.

We are able to creative a professional t-shirt and use hand-painting skills to give it an abstract look, in that we are your #1 source for a creative design.

~M-Red Designs, 2010
Contact information: Mustafa Reddick ->

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Who's Going To Iron My Cape?

During my brief hiatus, my friends (and fans) were like, when are you going to blog again? What is up with you? Every time I went to the computer I drew blank. It was like I needed a jump start. What happens when the person who inspires needs inspiration? Then it lead me to the question of, "Who irons Super Woman's cape?".

Funny way to put it huh? But think about it, after Super woman and Super man get home, there was never anyone there telling them that everything was going to be ok, no one to inspire them to keep fighting crime, no one really to push them. I think about all the mega pastors, motivational speakers, and inspirational people in the world whose daily job is to motivate. How do they keep going? I mean, the answer may seem obvious, the bible, God, Jesus, His goodness, but sometimes you need something to push you ALL the way over the edge. You know what I mean right? I want to know what makes them wake up every morning to keep pressing towards the mark? What fuels them to excellence daily? The answer is simple, purpose.

( Going in a different direction huh? yup...) In my time of "silence", I really did some soul searching, "what is my purpose Lord? It's got to be bigger than this moment in time." And truth the the matter is, no matter how far you run, you will always operate in purpose. As I go through life, I always find myself talking to strangers, offering life advice, coming up with witty ideas, inspiring people that I have never met, you name it. Sometimes while searching for your purpose, you end up operating in it by default. Again, I go back to my dad. (sigh... I miss my teddy bear). He was a pastor for 27 years. When we moved to Atlanta, he didn't have to preach every Sunday, but honey, that didn't stop him from changing lives daily. I remember one day coming home and he was prophesying to a bill collector. Ended up calling out the lady's husband name out and told her she would be healed in her stomach. The lady dern near fell out on her job. All because my dad decided to operate in his gift regardless of the platform.

Many people say that what you do when no one is watching is deemed as your character. Can God trust you to change the lives around you just because? Are you willing to be in a place in your life where it is no longer about you? Do you feel that your purpose keeps you up at night? Are people drawn to you for no reason at all? You might have found your purpose. No matter what it is. Or maybe it has tracked you down and found you.

Back to my original question, "Who Irons Superwoman's cape"? The truth the matter is, that can be easy to determine in your own life, well, somewhat. I think it has a lot to do with the company you keep and the people you decide to pursue relationships with. You have to surround yourself with people who continuously remind you of your gifts and push you towards greatness. Of course you will probably do the same for them, but that's how it works. You have to find people with kindred spirits and are willing to be a blessing in your life.

Just last night,I posted 4 new entries and here I am thinking no one really reads this. Well, boy was I mistaken. One of my sisters in purpose was up all night in prayer needing an answer and found it in my blog. From me? It is always so incredible to be used as a vessel. No matter how many times it happens. Because of my obedience someone was able to get closer to God and closer to who God ordained them to be. You know they always say you're one person away from your breakthrough. You never know who God will use you as a conduit for. To be a blessing to one of God's chosen is enough for me. When you operate in the gifts God has given you, it doesn't really matter what kind of earth adoration and praise you receive. It makes God proud to see you operating in obedience. When you look back and see the lives transformed, it will all be worth it.

I think all in all, it is not easy to be one of God's chosen. You are held to a higher standard and you can't do what others do. But on the flip side, the favor and grace you are granted is like having a VIP card that not just anyone can obtain. Being on earth is merely temporary so we have to be wise with everything we do. God knew that this very moment you are in would exist. Isn't that amazing? He knew EVERY up and down you would experience. He also knew the victory dance you would doing at the finish line. Truth to the matter is, when you're on God's side, you really can't lose. You may have a tumultuous ride, but it's worth it in the end.

Regardless of who is ironing my cape, I'm all yours God.....


Friday, October 1, 2010

The Power of Release

Now, this is a post that is a LIFETIME in the writing. *sigh* .....Release. The power of release is incredible. Whether it is releasing someone who has hurt or disappointed you, someone who has purposely broken your heart, a job that turned you down, or even totally surrendering something over to God. Releasing is another one of life's hidden weapons. A weapon that is necessary to utilize at one point or another.

As you know, my dad was a pastor of a church in Miami. Last year, he transferred pastoral duties over to the assistant pastor and his wife. It was cool with us because we felt God was taking our family to another level in ministry so it was no biggie. During that time, we would get random calls about what was going on down there and how things were now being handled and of course I was NOT happy. Being the 1st official member of the church, I took everything personal. Whether it was my battle or not, I felt personally offended when something happened with my parents or with the church. So when dad died, we had to go down to Miami rather frequently to make sure things were running according to the legacy dad left behind. Well, on Mother's day, we went to visit and took a life size portrait of my dad to put up in front of the church. We had to present it to the congregation and talk about him. Well, of course, I broke down in the pulpit and had to be escorted to the car. I didn't even eat. I could feel the negative vibes of the people and I began to go from sorrow to anger within seconds. I had to flee the building. I had come to the conclusion that I didn't want to come back to the church and didn't want to be bothered with any of it.

Well honey, you know our ways are not always God's. I was supposed to spend the weekend of September 10th with my boo for his birthday but that ended up being a FAIL (you know I was super pissed), so I ended up flying to Miami with my mom to preach on September 12th. Which also happened to be the 6 month mark of dad passing. Earlier during the week God gave me the word, "Release". Here I am thinking I'm giving a profound word for the other people in bible study and it was for me. God was telling me to release all the ought and ill feelings I had so He could use me. So we get to service that Sunday and we received the usual "We miss y'all.. Glad y'all came... We miss pastor.." Blah, blah, blah. But one person in particular had a lil' attitude with me. You know the old me would of shot her the bird right in service, but I had already released her and her ugly spirit before I got to the church. My mom grabbed the mic and began to praise God from a place of hurt and healing. One like never before. God told me, "GO SING". You know I was fighting it tooth and nail. Well, low and behold, I ended up RIGHT in the pulpit, singing 30 minutes straight about breakthrough and God turning it around. People began to run the aisles, began to cry out, began to get healed, began to praise God like never before. All because of my obedience to the spirit and total surrender. In the midst of my releasing the hurt and pain I've experienced, God began to release my gifts and a breakthrough on my behalf.

You see, the enemy wants you to be so caught up in frivolous moments and people that you miss your opportunity to be used as a vessel to bless others and even to bless yourself. If we sit back and find the moments when someone allegedly pissed us off, we will realized that it's not worth wasting another day fretting over. While we are so caught up being mad, they are going on with their lives.

I was watching Oprah the other day and Terry McMillan was talking about how she just had to get up one day and release all the bad things her ex-husband did to her. Oprah had to admit the same thing that a woman had pissed her off 20 years ago and she she saw her laughing it up on the street. She was like, "here I am mad this lady and she has completely moved on with her life. She probably doesn't even know I'm mad". And that's the truth.

The enemy tries to get you trapped in that moment of offense that you don't move forward while the other person is moving through life like nothing ever happened. I think about my ex who is getting married. He probably has no idea how I can still get pissed off about somethings from the past. Meanwhile, he's planning a wedding and mapping out his new life, while I'm praying daily not to slip into depression and despair. I had to let him and all my past issues go all long, long time ago. It's just not worth it to me.

The true power of release is just that, RELEASE! When you let things go, you activate something in heaven. How can you expect to receive anything when you are so full of other things. If you want God to bless you with that job or that man, you have to let go all those ill feelings that you have harbored against things of the past. The beauty of release is the total surrendering to God. He can move through you if you are totally willing to be used. Release all inhibitions will allow God to move mightily on your behalf. There are gifts in your that are merely waiting to be activated and used to change the world. You need only release all the ideals you once had and adapt to those of God.

I'll telling you what I know, the power of release is so incredible. You should try it today and get to what God really wants you to have.

Releasing so God can release,


I'm not weak, I'm stronger ....

Man, it's October already. I can not believe time has flown like this. It's almost like someone pressed fast forward on life and it began to move at the speed of light. I have looked back over this year and I KNOW I was supposed to be in some one's mental institute or somewhere being half the person I was destined to be. But, God saw different. Everything that was lodged against me to break me has only made me stronger.

I used to hear old folks say all the time, "What don't kill you will make you stronger," and I used to dismiss it. I always used to think they were speaking in old folk tales as usual and kept it moving. Ooooooh but when March 12, 2010 at 3:42 pm hit, my life would change forever. Losing my daddy was like losing a vital organ. I can't even say the name Michael without tears streaming down my face (yup, I'm crying as I type). People had no idea the things he shared with me up until he suffered that stroke. It was like God was showing him that his time was drawing near. He wanted me to know that I was to carry on his legacy. I look back at all those moments and he was preparing me for some time now. Never would I imagine all those years of being his personal shopper would result in picking his suits for his funeral and memorial services. I literally experienced numerous out of body experiences during this time. This was supposed to be the moment where I said, "Dig a second whole in the ground because I don't know how life will go on." But God saw different. The very man who raised me helped me get through burying him. All the lessons, all the memories, all the laughs, all the good times, they were enough for me to let him go work for me on the other side in Heaven. Day by day, I get strengthened, but it doesn't make his absence any easier to grasp.

It's funny, all the moments where I thought I would break, I got stronger. When I had to walk away from a program that I single handedly built because of the lack of integrity of the organization, I thought I would LOSE it. I really haven't been the same since. To get calls and messages from kids who still need our program breaks my heart. That's how I know I found my purpose. When I know I could of been making twice the amount working somewhere else, I chose to stay at a place where I knew I was needed. Because of my obedience, God covered me. When the organization crumbled, I was so far out of reach, it had zero effect on me.

That's how God would have it. The things that the enemy wants to use to destroy you are the things that God uses to strengthen you. As you go through life, God will allow certain things to happen to you and through you. Don't get so caught up in what the enemy is trying to say that you miss God's lesson and His voice. God has you covered even in your darkest moments. Nothing the enemy can come up with can trump what God can do for you. None of it matters.

The moral of the story is: Use your tears to get stronger! That's the bottom line. Take your moments to grieve, get out your frustrations, voice your concerns, then press your way. I promise you, I can be in the middle of praying and helping someone else and I can just burst out into tears. Not because I am still suffering, but because I am still human. I miss my daddy more and more as the days go by, but I am not going to let that keep me from making it to the next level. More than anything, I want to be an example of what God can do for you in the midst of the storm. So when I win the lottery, get this PhD, have a wonderful wedding, have this beautiful set of twins, and drive off the lot with a Porsche Cayenne, everyone will know it was GOD and Him alone.

Mark my words, my story has yet to be told. Even within the next 7 days, I will have a praise report that will land me on Oprah. I just had to put it all in writing to let you all know.

Now let the weak say I am strong!

Stronger with each struggle....


Leave It On the Alter and Find Something Else To Do

So this morning, I was preparing for my morning run, but of course I got sidetracked with cleaning my entire bathroom and straightening up the rest of my room. I was a little behind but I felt good about my morning work out. As I stepped out of my door, I found a pair of flip flops that I had been HUNTING for over the last 2 months. As it turns out, my mom dropped them off sometime during the morning. You know God revealed a lesson in something as small as this right? He showed me that as you're busying yourself with things on the inside, I am working them out on the the outside. Every thing you THOUGHT you needed will be right at the door of opportunity waiting on you!

-PAUSE- I will wait for the weight of that to hit you! Do you see what God revealed ? Let me restate it again (lol). God merely wants us to do what we can on our side while He works everything else out on our behalf. That is something else. (You know I'm over here crying already). God knows that we can't do it all. It was never His intent for us to walk this journey alone, that's why He sent Jesus. He knew we would get weak. He know we would want to throw in the towel. He knew we wouldn't want to be bothered. He knew we would get off track. He knew it all. He merely wants our hearts to be towards Him so He can do a great work for us. It's kind of like when you were little and your parents gave you an allowance each week. You wanted something that was WELL out of your budget, but you saved what you could. Your parents took what you had and added to it and you were able to get that special thing you wanted. That's how God is. He takes all your effort and faith bundled up and puts it towards your breakthrough. Even when it looks like you might not have enough, God adds to it so you can have all that your heart desires.

Let me go back to this flip-flop story. (stop These were my precious Haviana flip flops. I have been HUNTING for these things for like 2 months. I sent out text messages asking folks had they seen (or stolen) them. I turned every table and chair over in the house looking for them. I just kept coming up empty. So instead of fretting over them any longer,I released them into the atmosphere. (I know it seems silly, but follow me). Like these flip-flops, I have also fretted over sources of income, my relationship, what's next in my life, and the list goes on. God merely said, "If you've placed it on the alter, why do you keep coming back to get them?" I could do nothing but shake my head. It's true. I wake up in prayer and go to sleep in prayer about the SAME things. I know God heard me the first 50 million times, but in my mind, I'm thinking I will get a quicker answer if I keep badgering Him about it. BAM! Not true. lol. God answers things in HIS timing. More than ever I understand that now.

The moment I stopped looking for my flops, I found them. And when they were found, they were literally at my doorstep, in plain reach. There was no mistaking who they belonged to and who they were for. God revealed to me that this is how amybreakthrough will show up. It will be in plain sight and no mistaken identity. It will be DIRECTLY from Him to ME. -PAUSE- Do you see what God is saying? He is saying that He wants to send you a special delivery but you have to do some straightening up on your end. You see, all this time you thought it was something else holding up your breakthrough. It was really YOU. (me

Now wait, let me clear a few things up now. Just because God doesn't want you to fret over a job doesn't mean you stop applying. Just because God doesn't want you to fret over a relationship, doesn't mean you stop combing your hair and looking good. Just because God doesn't want you to fret over your next level doesn't mean you stop pursuing your dreams. God wants you to do everything on your side to push towards your destiny and He will fill in all the empty spaces. All He wants you to do is give 110% to see if you will be ready when the breakthrough comes. You must have the capacity to receive and maintain the next level.

So the next time you want to work yourself up over something that only God can do, STOP! Just stop dead in your tracks. Have a good laugh about it and look up to God. 9 times out of 10 He is looking back down like, "Look at -insert your name here-, he/she has no idea what tomorrow will hold. I have a blessing that he/she will not have room to receive. I can't wait to bless his/her socks off". Can you imagine that? Can you see God working on a tailor made breakthrough JUST for you? Well, if you can't, erase those thoughts of doubt right now! God can and WILL do that just for you. No matter what it looks like. Give it to Him and leave it there. I know I am. I'm done doing work that doesn't belong to me.

Taking it to the alter and finding something else to do,


Silence is Golden....

Lately I've been very quiet. Not just on here , but in general. Haven't really been talking on the phone much. Haven't really been tweeting like I usually do. Haven't even updating my status on Facebook as I normally do. I just wanted to be alone to figure somethings out. I realized that not only is silence golden, but it's priceless all the same.

During my moments of silence, I have been having numerous moments of self-discovery. I ask myself repeatedly, "What am I here for? God why have you given me another day to make it right?" The answer is always the same, "You will see." Being my anxious little self, my mind goes off wondering. God always urges me to be still and know that HE has it all under control. This is NOT the easiest thing to practice. Especially when you're always used to having the answers readily available.

When is the best time for your cell phone to charge? When you're not on it right? When it's laying dormant right? When a car is overheated and needs to cool off what are you suppose to do, cut it off right? When you're computer is acting up, you need to 'defrag' it and let it reboot right? Well, I think that should apply to us too. When you are in the midst of searching and redefining who you are in life, it's best to stay quiet and let God work you over.

In my quiet moments, I have truly perfected the art of listening. I listen to my own thoughts and the messages seem clearer. I can listen to what people say and not only hear their words, but actually hear what they are implying and what they truly mean. Most importantly, I can hear God clearer than ever. In the last 30-35 days, I have seen doors open that have once been closed. I have talked to people that I have written off. I have seen things happen that seemed like figments of my imagination. I have had vivid dreams that have revealed things that apply to my real life. From being silent, I have been able to understand life that much more.

My guy and I are so alike it's crazy. A few weeks ago he seemed very despondent. I was like, "babe, talk to me," he was like, "I don't have anything to say, I just want to be silent." Of course the human side of me wanted to catch a flight to Chicago and figure out what was REALLY going on. But I could hear God merely whisper, "Let him have his moment(s), he will be a better man after I am done speaking to him." And it hit me like a ton of bricks! Silence is not a moment where EVERYTHING is quiet, just you are. You can hear God much clearer if you just shut up! ( hate to put it that way, but it's true) If you're quiet, you can communicate more effectively because your words will be more calculated. People will value more of what you say because they know every word has been well thought out.

To me, silence is God's operating room. His time to work somethings out on your behalf. A few weeks ago, my mom taught a message on the power of words and how we can speak things into existence and even speak the demise of things. Just by speaking. You see, silence can be like a hidden weapon. When the enemy frustrates you, the first thing he wants you to do is to speak against what God has promised. If you're looking for a job and no one calls you he wants you to say, "I'm never going to have a job by October. God has forgotten me". Or if your waiting to be married or secure a solid relationship and it seems like it's never going to happen he wants you to say, "I'm never going to be married. Always a bride's maid, never a bride." You see, the enemy knows how powerful you are, I just wish you did! The mere words out of your mouth can make or break you. You must master the art of silence when faced with things that are opposite of what God has promised. If you can't seem to find the strength to speak positively into your situation, then SHUT UP! ( I mean that in the nicest way... lol) I'm serious though. You have to find a way to either say positive things to get you out of it or just be quiet.

The art of operating is silence is not easy, but every now and then you must activate it. I have heard God much clearer and I have seen things happen on my behalf that I know only He could of done. Sometimes it's best to stay out of it and let God do His thing. Besides, you wants better for you than God. He knows all that you need and want, let Him work it out. Stay silent for a few and watch what He will do.

In silent prayer.....